Pre New Year's Epiphany

It's dawned on me that there needs to be a vast overhaul in my life. Does that have to be a bad thing? I've been dreading it for over a year now, but I'm thinking that a change may just be what I need. And so instead of fearing it as intensely as I have been, I'm going to try to make careful steps towards embracing it.

Dr. Amazing told me something really eye-opening in therapy yesterday. He told me that I don't have to be desperate. That word is latent with negative connotation, implying that I'm withering away with an overwhelming emptiness. But, there's a truth to that. I am desperate for some things. I'm desperate to love someone. I'm desperate to be loved by someone. I'm desperate to have my life filled with positive people and happiness. He told me that I don't have to be desperate, that I have some really amazing qualities, that I'm a lot more mature than most young adults my age, that I learn lessons faster and understand life better than most people in their mid-thirties that have far more life experience. I'm going to trust him. I'm going to trust him because he believes in me, may be the only person who really believes in me and not out of obligation. He sees something inside of me that I can't see yet, but I am going to commit myself to finding it for the first time.

I have to start taking care of myself. I don't know why that is so hard for me. I just pour myself into trying to help other people fix their problems. I want my friends, my family to be happy, to not worry with conflict and I'm generally pretty good at solving these things with/for them.

I'm moving on to something that's important right now. I'm moving on to me.

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Arianne