[Solipsism]
n.Philosophy. 1. The theory that the self is the only thing that can be known and verified. 2. The theory or view that the self is the only reality.//solopsist (n.)solipsistic (adj.) solipsistically(adv.) [Latin solus (alone) + ipse (self).]

Are you ready for?

30 August 2004
I could really use someone to talk to about stuff, but everyone is MIA so I came here again.

Here's what drives me crazy about you. Everything is right between us. We have a great time when we're together. I feel like you are one of the greatest people that I have met and I have never felt so comfortable around someone before in my life. You are all the things that I have wanted in someone and a bunch of the things that I didn't know that I wanted; you're a perfect blend for me. And I know that you think I'm smart. And you think I'm pretty and you make me feel pretty. We laugh and we cuddle and we hold hands and we make each other happy and even though you said nothing could come of this, something has...I won't pretend that it's some wonderful relationship, but it's something that has evolved from friendship, something that shies away from the label of anything more. I think I have the reasons figured out now. The worst part about it is that I can't change a single thing about this dynamic. I just don't understand it.

You're so excited about this new girl. You're practically giddy about it and I know that you're dying to get my opinion on her. I know that my approval means a great deal to you. But, I don't know what you want me to do. I can't imagine that you are finding so many better things for you in her. I can only predict that there's one major difference. Maybe it hurts me so much because it's something so obvious and so unchangeable.

I've never felt right about someone before you. And deep down, it just feels right. I don't think it's going to just fade. I don't want to hold onto this stupid fantasy of you any longer, but I can't help it.

I want to tell you to quit touching me, to quit being sweet, to quit making me feel like you want to be with me, but those things feel so good that I don't want to tell you 'no' either. I don't think you have it in you to lead me on. I don't honestly think that you know how or can actually carry through on any plans you may conceive of that nature.

If I tell you any of this, you'll freak out and run in the opposite direction. You're more content just pretending that things like this don't happen. That we both don't have hearts or feelings. So, I guess that I will continue to lie in my bed and write here until the feelings dissipate.

I just wish you'd join me and make all of this go away.

--

arianne

8:27 PM ::
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The Girl
Arianne. I'm a 22 year old young woman and I'm on the cusp of beginning my entire life, a thought which terrifies and exhilirates me--often at the same time. I am learning to love myself for the first time in my life. I am learning to find true happiness, ready to find love when he's ready to find me and always waiting for something better.
Previously
Yeah, Yeah. Here you go. - 12 March 2005
Nothing to Say to You. - 09 February 2005
The Way I Feel for You. - 25 January 2005
Eh, it's random. - 15 January 2005
:) - 09 January 2005
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