[Solipsism]
n.Philosophy. 1. The theory that the self is the only thing that can be known and verified. 2. The theory or view that the self is the only reality.//solopsist (n.)solipsistic (adj.) solipsistically(adv.) [Latin solus (alone) + ipse (self).]

External Factors.

12 May 2004
"Trust me. It's not you. I'm no fool. I know that you're okay. I say it because I know."--#1

"Sorry, I just get annoyed when people don't recognize how fantastic you are."--#2

"It's too bad for him. He just doesn't see how great you are."

--#3

Apparently, I can bait them, but I just can't reel them in. For the first time in a while, I met a genuinely good guy. All around good. And it never fails. It doesn't work out.

What the hell is wrong with me?

I try so hard to keep positive. I don't even know why this matter so much to me. I don't know what I'm trying to prove to myself, or to anyone else for that matter. My heart hurts and I can't pinpoint exactly why.

I told a very good friend just last week that I feel like something great is just around the corner for me. It's funny how dramatically things can change inside of a week.

I wish that I never let down my walls. I wish that I just didn't care. I wish that I didn't want more. I wish that I could keep it all outside of myself. I wish that my insides worked okay. I wish that I could be fine with things and not have stupid ideas floating around my head. I wish I didn't try to trick myself into believing that people change their minds. I wish I believed that I was enough. I wish I believe that it will happen for me. I wish I believed that it wasn't my fault. I wish that I believed that -I- wasn't my fault.

My head is pounding, spinning and generally being angry with itself for thinking about anything after tonite. I swear that sometimes even my emotions want to leave me.

And then all I have left is sleep.

--

Arianne

12:30 AM ::
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Arianne. I'm a 22 year old young woman and I'm on the cusp of beginning my entire life, a thought which terrifies and exhilirates me--often at the same time. I am learning to love myself for the first time in my life. I am learning to find true happiness, ready to find love when he's ready to find me and always waiting for something better.
Previously
Yeah, Yeah. Here you go. - 12 March 2005
Nothing to Say to You. - 09 February 2005
The Way I Feel for You. - 25 January 2005
Eh, it's random. - 15 January 2005
:) - 09 January 2005
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