Fake Out

I wish that people would just pick a face to wear sometimes. Is it so hard to pick a facade? Everyone adopts and adapts as needed. I'm the best me that I can be for most people on most days. I try extremely hard to keep my bad stuff to myself. I just want to be me. I just want to have this life and to figure it out as I go along. I just want things to be easier. Less interference. More living.

I've been told that I'm very good at maintaining this thick skin that I now wear so comfortably by an extremely reliable source. He, of course, thinks it's terribly amusing, but I can't figure out whether I feel the same way. On one hand, it's easy enough to get along with me when most bothersome issues don't penetrate. On the other, well, I figure I should be allowed to take it off every once in a while. It makes me consider things. I wonder if I am missing out on most things. Trying to keep myself so reserved, trying to be so conservative has had an effect on who I am. I remember a time in my life where I felt so alive, so on fire for my life, where I wanted to see and to feel and to experience everything. Where there was an opportunity, I took it. These days, I'm the "momma." I'm like, "Now kids, I don't know if that's such a good idea."

When did I become such a lame ass? Seriously...

I want a life of risk and reward, of hilltops and valleys, devoid of "coulda, shoulda, wouldas."

I wonder what the going rate on E-Bay is for something like that...

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Arianne