ABCDEFUCK

My life seems to be in an interesting point at the moment, new situations, people and experiences at every turn and I am somewhat relieved by this. When my life is stagnant, everything seems to stop and as we all know, or should know by now, me + stopping = no good. I need change and diversity to feel relatively satisfied.

And btw, never understimate the healing power of being able to laugh.

I've been doing a lot of work on my psyche, finetuning things as I go along and conducting routine maintenance as needed to keep my emotions at an even keel. I must say that I'm almost proud of myself. It's quite an endeavor trying to save yourself from yourself and at times, I swore that I couldn't win. I can both see and feel progress towards a "new and improved" me and sometimes I think that I'm beginning to figure out the answers to questions that were posed to me back when everything fell apart the first time.

I feel it is of dire importance, however, to give credit where credit is due. There have been a few people in particular whose patience, understanding and unconditional love have done more for me than I imagine bottles of medicine would have been able. You should know if you're one of those people because if you are, then you know exactly the times I'm referring to--you were the ones I went to for good ole' fashion freak-out time. And that means more than I think any demonstration of grattitude I could display could ever repay. All I have are my thanks and my love.

I'm giggling aloud right now because I'm realizing that for the first time in a long time, maybe longer than I can remember, I am aware of what I want from this life. Moreover, I'm remembering how to articulate these things and I had forgotten how empowering simply setting standards for yourself can be. It's like I'm discovering the me that I used to be. It's like I went through old boxes in my basement and found myself buried beneath a whole bunch of icky basement junk.

I think part of growing up is being able to party with yourself as an entire person and though I know this is a difficult task, it eases my mind to know that it is also a continual one.

When my head is cleared, I can see how reassuring it is to know that the most rewarding thing about the human experience is our ability to turn it all around with each passing moment.

I am turning again.

--

Arianne